Tuesday, March 4, 2008

When Insults Had Class

Submitted by Pat Richardson

These glorious insults are from an era before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

  • The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my Husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

  • A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the Gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

  • "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

  • "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

  • "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

  • "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

  • "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the Dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

  • "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time Reading it." Moses Hadas

  • "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln

  • "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved Of it." - Mark Twain

  • "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

  • "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a Friend.... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is One." - Winston Churchill, in response.

  • "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

  • "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

  • "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

  • "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

  • "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

  • "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard

  • "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

  • "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of humanKnowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

  • "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

  • "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

  • "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on It?" - Mark Twain

  • "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

  • "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

  • "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . For support Rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

  • "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

  • "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

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