Thursday, May 5, 2011

Short Letters

Sue's Broken Foot Story
Imagine you are lying home alone with your broken foot propped up as you were told. You are even being sending emails to the office while you are home recuperating. Suddenly, you hear a commotion from the dining room out of sight. And then Lucy the Cat chases a mouse out of the dining room.....into the kitchen......batting it with her paws. The mouse is literally hopping up and down, as Lucy skillfully herds it.....UNDER YOUR ARMCHAIR. I haven't seen it since. And Lucy is still waiting next to me for it to reappear. I am probably still trapped here in this chair when you read this. Help!!!!

Lucy waits patiently.....

Short Letters:
Thanks to Dusty (Dorothy's husband) for these! Turns out everything is amusing when you're home with a broken foot!

Dear Ugly People, 

You're welcome. 

Sincerely, Alcohol 

Dear Noah, 

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. 



Dear Icebergs, 

Sorry to hear about the global warming. 

Karma's a bitch. 


The Titanic 

Dear America, 

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. 



Dear Yahoo, 

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just 



Dear 2010, 

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF 



Dear Windshield Wipers, 

Can't touch this. 


That Little Triangle 

Dear girls who have been dumped, 

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead. 



Dear Fox News, 

So far, no news about foxes. 



Dear Nickleback, 

That's enough. 

Sincerely, The World 

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids, 

Please make one for every skin color. 

Sincerely, Black people 

Dear Osama Bin Laden, 


Sincerely, United States 

Dear Batman, 

What was your power again? 

Sincerely, Superman 

Dear Customers, 

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. 

Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies 

Dear Mr. Gump 

WTF are you talking about? 
There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're
gonna get....

Sincerely, Jenny 

Dear World, 

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because 
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy OK?


The Mayans 

Dear White People, 

Don't you just hate immigrants? 


Native Americans 

Dear iPhone, 

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You 
piece of shut.


Every iPhone User 

Dear Trash, 

At least you get picked up... 


The Girls of Jersey Shore 

Dear Man, 

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? 



The Marshmallow Tree

Congratulations to Mile and Scott for the photos and article
 about their baseball team in the Catonsville Times,

Here's Bill with the very rare Marshmallow Tree. You can see it at Sam's, we are waiting for it to ripen!