Been offline due to a long bout of the flu and/or sinus infection. Hope everyone else is healthy, or I will suspect poisoned bagels after our "field trip" last weekend! Looking forward to seeing all of you and laughing, my immune system needs the boost.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER (Submitted by Don)

• 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
• 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
• 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
• 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ' Because I said so, that's why.'
• 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
• 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
• 7. My mother taught me IRONY 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
• 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
• 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
• 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
• 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
• 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
• 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
• 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. 'Stop acting like your father!'
• 15. My mother taught me about ENVY . 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
• 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 'Just wait until we get home.'
• 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 'You are going to get it when you get home!'
• 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
• 19. My mother taught me ESP. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
• 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
• 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
• 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 'You're just like your father.'
• 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
• 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
• 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you