Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, Harold took me out for Valentine's dinner and we had a very nice time. We ran into that other romantic big spender, Doug. He had 30 minutes to wine and dine Carol before he was off to referee some basketball games. I will leave the name of the restaurant up to your imaginations....... How did you spend your Valentine's Day? On second thought, if it involved diamonds or Tio Pepe's, maybe it's best if you don't share.

You may recall that a while back we discovered that some of the older generation have cell phones but don't turn them on, they are for "emergency " use ony. Jeff stopped by and reported that his mother rarely turns her phone on. However, she turns it on to call Jeff's cell phone. For whatever reason, she won't use her landline phone to call his cell. This discussion prompted Pat R. (who kept her cell phone off) to research a bit about cell phone use. Her newfound knowledge follows:


5 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO: There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

• FIRST The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile, network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you. Interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out. Sue's Note: "Type 112 in your phone's address book now so you can remember it in a panic. Mine's under "Help"."
• SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car? Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editor's Note: "It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!" Sue's Note: "This won't work if I have locked my purse and cell phone in the car with the keys. I imagine."
• THIRD Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time. Sue's Note: Store this code in your cell's address book under "Battery".
• FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #, a 15 digit code appears on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. Sue's Note: "This tip is of no help to me if I file the code in the mythical "safe place". That is where my family's Valentine cards are currently hiding."
• FIFTH Free Directory Service for Cells . Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Sue's Note: Program this into your cell phone now under "Info".

So Pat, is your cell phone on right now, or are you saving the batteries???? Thanks for the info.

More interesting news about the generations. Some of the same folks who didn't turn their cell phones had never heard the expression, "Does a bear sh** in the woods?" They had also never heard the philosophical question, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?" Thank goodness we were all aware of this debate: "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Spoke with a young salesman at the computer store. He told me his dad has been selling old floppy disks and floppy disk drives on e-Bay for good money. See, the key is to collect something expendable that most of of throw out. This explains why floppies may be worth more than Beanie Babies some day. Any thought on which things we are currently disposing of that may become valuable? I'm thinking I'll hold on to all those old cell phones and batteries!

Happy Valentine's Day, and good night.

Post-Primary Musings

Submitted by Pat Richardson

After being bombarded with the longest primary campaign in history, I turned off the TV to retrieve my sanity. I remembered that our American Humorist, Will Rodgers, had a lot to say about politics and the happenings of his day. I retrieved some of his quotes to share with the bloggers. Not much has changed. He was born in 1879 and died in 1935. I hope you enjoy.

• "There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
  
• "The country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."
  
• "The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that is out always looks the best."
  
• "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
  
• "Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea, but it won't work.
  
• "Ancient Rome declined because it has a Senate, now what is going to happen to us with both?"
  
• "Be thankful we are not getting all the government we are paying for."
  
• "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
  
• "I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."
  
• "Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks & U.S. Senators."
  
• "On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government for four years, no matter what it does."
  
• "Take diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week."
  "There ought to be one day--just one day--when there is open season on senators."

Ice, Ice Baby

Schools closed today due to the ice storm. Hope everyone stays safe and sound.

VALENTINE'S DAY DON'TS

Warning: Gentler readers may be offended.

Operation Welcome Home

(Submitted by Glenn)
E-mail: operationwelcomehome@comcast.net
Web: www.owhmd.org

Just a quick reminder on our upcoming events and a new event we just added. Each event has a different team captain so please correspond with them directly. When joining us, please consider bringing prepackaged snacks (outlined below), but DO NOT bring bottled water or drinks at this time. Wal-Mart made a very generous donation of bottled water (thanks to the hard work of Tom Colgan, one of our volunteers). We need everything else but water at this time. Thank you. We hope to see you at one of these events!

REMINDER...we have an event this Friday, February 15th at 5:00pm. Bill and Debby Poteet will be the team captains for the Friday event. Please let them know if you will be attending by e-mailing them at dpoteet525@yahoo.com or calling them on their cell at 410-428-9097. They will let you know about any last-minute scheduling changes (should there be any). Please RSVP directly with Bill and Debby, provide them with your cell phone number, and do not reply to this e-mail.

NEW EVENT...we have a new event for this Saturday, February 16th at 9:30am. John Flynn will be the team captain for the Saturday event. Please let him know if you will be attending by replying to this e-mail (operationwelcomehome@comcast.net) or calling him on his cell at 410-271-4428. He will let you know about any last-minute changes (should there be any). When confirming your attendance, please provide your cell phone number (or land line phone number).

LAST EVENT OF FEBRUARY...then our last event (scheduled for this month) will be on Wednesday, February 20th at 2:15pm. Ken and Lisa Funk will be the team captains for the event on the 20th. Please let them know if you will be attending by e-mailing them at klfunk@comcast.net or calling them on their cell at 410-382-8472. They will let you know about any last-minute scheduling changes (should there be any). Please RSVP directly with Ken and Lisa, provide them with your cell number, and do not reply to this e-mail.

Katelyn in Chicago now understands why "bagel holes" have never caught on as a tasty treat.

MAKING LOVE, BEST VALENTINES EVER !

Slim and Sexy Valentine's Day Workout

Primary Election Day

Well, it is a cold, slainy-slicy day (a combination of raining/ sleeting/ snowing,/icy) weather. Saw Gene and Lois at the polls during the afternoon, but it wasn't very crowded when we voted. The polls are still open as I write this. Harold is stuck in Annapolis (the bridge and Route 50 were closed due to icy conditions), so he missed voting for the first time ever. Jean has retired from being an election judge this year, and I am glad that she is home safe. The polls will remain open until 9:30 tonight due to the weather. Be safe, everyone.

The Blog Map Grows

Hi, as you can see, we have more pins in the map! Sam's has added readers in Ireland, Germany, Texas, Nevada, Arizona and new locations in Maryland including Columbia, Potomac and Annapolis.

Has Dimitri Driven Here?

READ THE STORY OF THIS TUNNEL IN RUSSIA BEFORE YOU PLAY THE MOVIE.
(Submitted by former local Tom, now living in Las Vegas)

This tunnel in Russia is the longest in-city tunnel of Europe. There is a river running over it, and water leaks at various points. When the temperature reaches minus-38 degrees like it did this particular winter, the road freezes, and the result is what you see in the attached video. This video was taken during A SINGLE DAY with the tunnel camera. Congratulations to the dual-bus driver .... this is better than turn 4 at Daytona. Remember-- this is only ONE day of video. All I can say is, it makes our Baltimore tunnels seem tame. And, thank goodness -- this tunnel is only one way.

Today We Mourn

Today We Mourn (Submitted by John Sherin)

Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.


He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Sunday Scenes

Gladys recalled buying delicious Dad's Cookies from their shop on Winter's Lane during the 1950's. The company still exists in St. Louis and you can read about the company's history at http://www.dadscookies.com/.

Now you can bake Dad's favorite oatmeal cookies for yourself. See the recipe below or visit http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Dads-Oatmeal-Cookies/Detail.aspx. If you bake them, bring them to Sam's to share with everyone.

Dad's Oatmeal Cookies

SUBMITTED BY: kedend

"A delightful childhood memory of buying cookies after school for a penny a piece is what I envision when someone says Dad's Cookies. They were baked on Winters Lane in Catonsville, Md. during my childhood days and then on Pratt St. in Baltimore before being bought by a New York company."

SERVINGS & SCALING Original recipe yield: 5 dozen US METRIC

INGREDIENTS

1 cup butter

1 cup white sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

2 teaspoons ground allspice

2 teaspoons ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

3 cups quick cooking oats

DIRECTIONS

Cream first three ingredients until fluffy, add eggs and vanilla.

Mix all dry ingredients into butter mixture.

Stir in oats.

Let dough stand at room temperature for 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

Drop dough by tablespoonfuls onto lightly greased cookie sheets.

Flatten cookies slightly and bake for 10 minutes.

Do not overbake. Take cookies from the oven when still puffy and edges are just beginning to brown.

Let cookies cool a minute or two on cookie sheets before removing. Cool completely on racks.

They are fragile and difficult to remove from the cookie sheets when they are still warm, so work gently.

Sam's Blog Goes International!

Today the blog got a hit from Ireland, so we are officially international!

And speaking of faraway places, Harold is in Durango, Colorado this weekend. There are only two states he hasn't been to yet for work. In the past few months he has been to Alaska, Minnesota, Virginia, Pennsylvania, Florida, Emmittsburg (MD), Ohio and Wyoming. So I have decided to invest in a houseplant, a wandering jew, to keep in the bedroom. I'm going to hang one of Harold's ID badges on it and I'm going to let it hold the TV remote. Hopefully it will produce more oxygen than dirty laundry!

It's a Wonderful Knife

• The discussion today started with the new plastic knives. Since they are rather flexible, we wondered if they were prison stock or perhaps from the suicide watch wards at the Grove. The knives even caused Doug to change his order from his trademark scoopable bagel to one that could be eaten as a sandwich. Viagra was suggested as a cure for the limp knives. However, the new salt and pepper shakers were admired.

• Breakfast at the Grove Cafe two Saturdays from now at 8 am on February 23rd. We'll save Dr. Mike a cold bike ride in the wintry months.



• Now we are tossing around the idea of a Sam's bus trip. Don wants a group to stop off at the Loved Ones store to see what's new in sexy gadgets and lingerie. Please -PLEASE- let's hear some other suggestions. Where would we go, and more importantly, why?

Help A Friend Win a Car

Hey bloggers,
My dear friend, Joan, is trying to help her husband win a car make-over. All you have to do is click on the link below to vote for him and help him win this contest in New Jersey ! Thanks for your help!
http://forms.pressofac.com/carcontest/viewimage.aspx?id=189

Map of Blog Visitors

You may have noticed the counter to the right that is now counting visitors to the blog. I found a free service that not only counts visitors, but shows their general location. I was surprised to see that blog readers are in California, New York, Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin, Virginia, Michigan, Alabama, and Tennessee in addition to the Maryland folks. So tell some of your friends and relatives to check the blog once and we can add more pins to the map!

The gang on our trip to the Grove Cafe

• Talk about reserving sidewalk space for the parade had neighbors Jeff and Doug reminiscing about parking spaces in front of their homes. They soon were recalling pranks played on each other. One day, Doug raked all of the leaves in his yard until not a leaf remained. After Doug went out, Jeff raked all of his own leaves and dumped them back into Doug's bare-grass yard. Doug returned to find his yard filled with leaves again . Later, when Jeff came home, he discovered ten bags full of leaves hanging in his tree like giant Christmas ornaments.





• Once Doug got a parking citation and thoughtfully left it on Jeff's windshield. When Jeff found the ticket, he began to rant and rave. Doug let him get really worked up, then called him on the phone and asked what was wrong. He let Jeff complain about the police, etc. before asking Jeff to read the citation to him. That's when Jeff discovered that the ticket was really in Doug's name!

News from Gwen

• Well I did it! I got my first free cup of coffee at Sam's today with my card. Andrea and the gang clapped for me. I combined this with my birthday present, a gift card to Sam's in the amount of my years (Yes, it's worth $100) and I had a free breakfast. Wow, doesn't take much to make me happy.



• Gladys had a card from Gwen , who has relocated to Ft. Myers, Florida. (Gwen used to work behind the counter at the old Sam's building, then became a Sam's regular). She enclosed an article from the Ft. Myers news-press.com/ edison paper that she felt would be helpful to Catonsville folks in preparation for 4th of July. Seems that they have an annual event known as the Edison Grand Parade of Lights. For the past fifty years, people have used duct tape on the sidewalks to reserve their spots for the parade days in advance. This year, people began to resort to spray-painting their names on the sidewalks because, they claimed, others had ripped off their duct tape. This type of vandalism can result in a $150 fine. Luckily for the police, the vandals were kind enough to spray paint their last names on the sidewalk . Unluckily for the police, they won't be able to collect the fines unless they witnessed the spray-painting personally. Ft. Myers also sells street and VIP seating for the parades for prices ranging up to $55 per person. Could this spark a new trend here in Catonsville? Will premium sites be sold for viewing the 4th of July parade or will residents duct tape or spray paint their names on lawns and sidewalks? Or will we treasure the time-honored tradition of putting up lawn chairs only to have them stolen, smashed or moved?

It's February, This Could be Us

Seventy Degrees Today!

Hi everybody,

Spoke with Jeff this morning and he told me that my last post had crazy formatting and big fonts so it looked like I was yelling at you! That is so weird, because the post and text look normal on my laptop view of the blog. Sorry about that, I didn't intend to have crazy-looking fonts, some formatting code must have been embedded by mistake. So glad to hear from some of you that you still enjoy the blog. So send some news, photos, etc. about yourselves so you won't have to listen to just my point of view. Thanks to Don for the funny video featuring Bailey the snow-loving dog.

This morning one of my elementary school classmates from St.Mark's stopped in to buy bagels for her Dad. Barb and I got laughing about how times have changed. We had 52 kids in our class (yes I mean 52 in 1 classroom with 1 teacher), 208 kids in our grade with just four teachers, usually nuns. We didn't change classes until 5th grade. When it was time for art, we just took the crayons out of our desk and stayed put. When it was time for lunch, we got our lunches from the cloak room, bought milk for a nickel and ate....at our desks. For recess, we could run around the paved parking lots which resulted in frequent skinned knees. Music class consisted of singing as Sr. Benetia played the piano, singing such classics as "Oh, Dem Golden Slippers". Didn't even get a gyn teacher until 6th grade. For that, we got to go to the auditorium and do sit-ups and jumping jacks. Girls got to wear shorts to gym....under their plaid uniforms. (At least Mr. Misculinik was the first man we'd seen at school besides the priests, and he was cute) Best of all, when we were really, really good, the nuns would LET us go to the convent...and wash their window screens or woodwork! Yet somehow we all learned to read and add and spell without anyone even paying us to pass those Iowa Basic Standardized Tests!

Dancing Don

How the Kilt was Kill't

Comment or Email the Blog! Please!

You know, I have come to Sam's occasionally over the past 12 years, and I now have 9 coffee stamps on my buy 10-get a free cup of coffee card.......for the first time. IF I get my tenth stamp and turn in my card, that will be my first free cup of coffee...ever. So if you see me, remind me to turn my card in. Think I've earned a free cup!

I am having a mid-winter blog slump. I don't even know if anybody out there is still reading this and I'm losing my motivation. When there are few comments, I start to feel like I am talking to myself, possibly because I am.... A blog is meant to be interactive. It makes it much more interesting to publish messages, videos, pictures etc. from many of Sam's patrons, and I am happy to do so. However, as I am not yet psychic, you actually need to email them to me! So don't complain that I am posting more items from Don and Glenn than anyone else, because they have been the most active contributers. If you have news to share, email me at shockaglow@gmail.com. You must send photos and videos as attachments that I can download (not embedded in the email message).

To leave a comment,just click on "Comment" at the end of each post. The number tells you how many, if any, comments are posted for each item. Just type your message in the pop-up window. You can choose to use a nickname, your own name, or to remain anonymous. When you click on the orange "Publish" button, your comment will appear on the blog. You can comment on other comments too! So get involved - email or comment! It could get interesting!

Homestead Property Tax Credit

Tax Info from Glenn

TO: THE PEOPLE OF LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 8 FYI: Here is the link to the application which needs to be mailed by April 1, 2008 in order to receive the tax credit. Even if you have completed and mailed one in previous years, you will need to renew it by sending in a new, completed application. And even though it says it applies to persons who bought property before 12/30/07, it applies to ALL homeowners, regardless of when the property was purchased (or so says the person who answered the phone at the Dept. of Assessments and Taxation)

From: Delegate Eric Bromwell [mailto:eric.bromwell@house.state.md.us] Sent: Tuesday, January 29, 2008 1:24 PM To: Popp, Karen
Subject: Periodic Update: REMINDER-FILL OUT HOMESTEAD PROPERTY TAX CREDIT APP.

Dear Constituent,
The purpose of this e-mail is to provide information on a specific issue. This update may be a copy of a letter or press releas e that I have sent to local news editors, or just a quick note to let you know what is going on in Annapolis. I hope you find the information useful. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions, concerns or comments. I hope all is well and as always, I look forward to your feedback.
Sincerely,
Eric Bromwell

If you would like to read past press releases and letters to the editor please visit http://www.ericbromwell.com/

TO: THE PEOPLE OF LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT 8 A REMINDER TO FILL OUT YOUR HOMESTEAD PROPERTY TAX CREDIT APPLICATION If you are among the one-third of Marylanders who received your property assessment bill in December 2007, you also received an application to renew the Homestead Property Tax Credit. The one-time application must be filled out and submitted by April 1, or you will lose your tax credit. Anyone who bought a new home before December 31, 2007, OR after December 31, 2007, but before December 31, 2012, has 180 days after the date the home is transferred to the new owner to file the Homestead tax credit application. Thirty years ago, the Homestead tax credit was enacted to give homeowners relief from rapidly rising property tax assessments. The credit, given automatically, applies only to the homeowner's primary residence. Homeowners in the Homestead program can lock in the assessed value of their tax increases by no more than the cap set by each county. The law requires that the cap be set at 10% or less. In Baltimore County, the cap is set at 4%. Without the tax credit, the taxable assessed value of the home will increase by the full amount. Although 48 states have some type of property tax cred it, only 13 states have no verification process to determine that the homeowner is seeking the tax credit for a property that is a primary owner-occupied residence. Maryland had no verification process until the 2007 General approved law to establish a one-time application process to screen out property owners seeking the tax credit for vacation homes and rental properties. To apply for the state Homestead Property Tax Credit: Print and mail the application on the state Web site at www.dat.state.md.us Mail the application to the Department of Assessment and Taxation Apply online at https://sdathtc.resiusa.org/homestead Call 410-767-2165 or 1-866-650-8783 Electronic applications will be accepted through April l. Paper applications will be accepted for a short time after that dated. Please do not hesitate to contact me on this or any other legislative issue of concern to you. As always, I encourage and welcome your input.

Don's Best Story of the Week

(By the way, the word for today is disputatious, given to arguing or starting an argument. For example, the disputatious swim coach who could give you an argument on just about anything.)


A man was being tailgated by a stressed out by a woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

Been offline due to a long bout of the flu and/or sinus infection. Hope everyone else is healthy, or I will suspect poisoned bagels after our "field trip" last weekend! Looking forward to seeing all of you and laughing, my immune system needs the boost.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER (Submitted by Don)

• 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
• 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
• 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
• 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ' Because I said so, that's why.'
• 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
• 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
• 7. My mother taught me IRONY 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
• 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'
• 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
• 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
• 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
• 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
• 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
• 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. 'Stop acting like your father!'
• 15. My mother taught me about ENVY . 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
• 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 'Just wait until we get home.'
• 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 'You are going to get it when you get home!'
• 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
• 19. My mother taught me ESP. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
• 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
• 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
• 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 'You're just like your father.'
• 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
• 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
• 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Cellular-itis

(Ah, my memories of one year ago)

• We had a fun trip Saturday morning to Spring Grove, and nobody was committed (as in against their will). Scott brought both of his daughters to breakfast and Dr. Mike was a gracious host. Mazel Tov to Jeff on the Bar Mitzvah of his son, Joey, last weekend. While I'm sure that Joey did a great job with the ceremony, most of the guys raved about the fun sports theme party held later that evening. (See Scott for details about the delicious ballpark food - that man could have been a food critic).

• But it was back to Sam's on Sunday morning. The conversation turned to cell phones, where there clearly was a division along age lines. While some younger folks use cell phones exclusively and don't even have land lines at home, others carry cell phones around but never turn them on.......to save the batteries! (Bill commented that he hoped Jack wasn't similarly saving the batteries in his new pacemaker) They plan to use cell phones only in case of emergency - their own emergency - since you can't call them if YOU are in trouble. One reportedly keeps her cell phone at home....charging. Her husband calls it occasionally and leaves messages that he could be talking to her IF the phone was with her. When Pat's daughter Jo Ann came in, she immediately accused her mother of never turning her cell phone on either. However, Gladys just paid her cell phone bill for the year, and she only owed $11. Maybe keeping the phone off has some rewards.

• In conclusion, here is your vocabulary lesson. A cell phone that is turned off or left at home is, in many words: useless, abortive, bootless, counterproductive, disadvantageous, dysfunctional, expendable, feckless, fruitless, futile, good-for-nothing*, hopeless, idle, impracticable, impractical, incompetent, ineffective, ineffectual, inept, inoperative, inutile, meaningless, no good, nonfunctional, pointless, profitless, purposeless, scrap, stupid*, unavailable, unavailing, unfunctional, unproductive, unprofitable, unpurposed, unusable, unworkable, vain, valueless, waste, weak, and/or worthless.

Some Things Never Change

The official History of Spring Grove Hospital lists "the supposed causes of Insanity, in order of prevalence among the 143 patients at the Maryland Hospital in the year 1844" as: Intemperance (27), Ill Health (12), Masturbation (9), Constitutional (9), Domestic Trouble (6), Religious Excitement (4), Pecuniary Loss (4), Love Affair (3), Puerperal [related to childbirth] (3), Loss of Friends (2), Disappointed Ambition (1), Mortified Pride (1), Remorse (1), Political Excitement (1), Want of Employment (1), Unknown (59).

A little game of badminton sounds nice right about now.

Tomorrow: Field Trip to the Grove

The Men's Club 2008

• Dr. Mike has invited everyone to a road trip tomorrow. We are having breakfast at the Grove Cafe on the grounds of Spring Grove Hospital Center. (For directions , menu, and pictures, click on the link http://www.springgrove.com/cafe/cafe.html). We will be meeting there at 8 am. Various folks have suggested this is a ploy to either get some of us committed for treatment or to let others have the table by the front door at Sam's. Patty will be joining us! I have also been dared to yell "I must be crazy to eat here!" during breakfast.
• Charlie's memorial service was very touching; we laughed and cried. Some favorite stories about Charlie were shared. Chuck recalled how Charlie built bookshelves in his basement for Bob White. However, when he went to deliver them, he discovered that the shelves were too big to get out of the cellar! He had to saw them in half and put them back together later.

• His grandson, Ryan, recalled that Charlie was helping him convert the garage into a bedroom. Charlie asked Ryan if he could drive, and 14-year old Ryan said "Yup". He asked if he could use a clutch, and Ryan said, Yup". Well, Ryan backed Charlie's truck right through the wall they just built. Ryan said Charlie said every cuss word he knew.....all in one sentence. He said Charlie woke him up at 8 every morning until the wall was rebuilt.

• We learned that Charlie earned the nickname "Splash" when he fell in the water one cold January day trying to tie up a boat at the marina. (This was right after his kidney transplant.) Patty told Charlie he couldn't play with that friend anymore.

It was good to see so many of Sam's regulars giving support to Patty today. It was especially nice to see Chuck and Joe , who came in from out-of-state . Patty must be very tired, but she was gracious to everyone and seemed well. We all spent time looking at Charlie's old photos and learning a little more about this special man. Here's a true story that even made Patty laugh. Laura and I were admiring the beautiful flower arrangements when Laura asked me why the banner on the coffin said "farmer"; had Charlie been a farmer? Is that why one of the arrangements said "Lanham Beans" ? I said I didn't think so. Turns out that from Laura's viewpoint the sentiment "I love you forever" looked like "I love you farmer" !

Bill White recalled one of Charlie's favorite stories he liked to tell about himself, and you can just hear Charlie telling it and laughing. Charlie had been in some sort of trouble and his mother must have been frustrated with him. She shook her finger at Charlie and said, "Your father has two assholes, and you are one of them!" Ah, we miss your sense of humor already, Charlie.

Viewing and Funeral Information

Charles Joseph Lanham
June 30, 1940 - January 19, 2008


Visitation will be held at Loudon Park Funeral Home on Wednesday, January 23rd from 2-4 and 6-8 p.m.

Services for Charles Joseph Lanham will be held January 24, 2008, at 11:00 AM at the following location:

Loudon Park Funeral Home and Loudon Park Cemetery
3620 Wilkens Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21229
(410) 644-1900

Interment Loudon Park Cemetery at 11:45 am.

Farewell, Charlie

Charlie was removed from the respirator last evening at 5 pm, and passed away this afternoon at 12:30 pm. Patty is exhausted and at home resting now. I'll post arrangements when they have been finalized. We will all miss Charlie, his sense of humor, his optimism, and his willingness to help anybody. Patty, you remain in our prayers.


The Farewell By Manuel Castro


Goodbye
In every life
there comes a time
for giving thanks
and to say goodbye.

Even though you may
be miles apart,
your memories will keep you
close at heart.

So don’t be disheartened
at the thought of distance
that can’t remove the memories;
your heart’s closest treasures.

May you be blessed
in all that you do,
and may you experience
lots of happiness too!

Goodbye for the moment
’till we meet again.
May our friendship be a treasure
that will never end.

First Snowfall of 2008

View from the 695 entrance ramp (or how to spend time when stuck in traffic)


No news about Charlie yet today. I will post an update as soon as I learn something. Somehow the swirling snowflakes and thoughts of Charlie seemed mingled together in the gray sky.

In the good news column (hooray for good news), Jack's pacemaker surgery went well and he is back home napping.

Glenn had a great idea to start a Sam's directory with contact information for anyone who wishes to participate. More about that later.

Not Good News

Patty and Charlie

Gladys and Jack

• Well, it truly is not easy to write this. Our good old friend, Charlie, is losing his long and courageous battle against illness. He is unconscious now (a blessing because he has been suffering). He is on a ventilator, both kidneys have ceased to work, he has pneumonia.... if he survives tonight, he will be moved into "Comfort Care" or hospice tomorrow. The doctor feels there is little hope for recovery and that the end will come in hours or days. Charlie's own father was hospitalized yesterday in the Laurel Hospital with pneumonia, so this is a doubly stressful (unbearable) time for his family. Patty is a strong, brave woman, but I can't imagine how she is holding up. She appreciates all of our thoughts and prayers.
  

• Jack went to see the doctor yesterday and learned that his pulse was extremely slow. So he is having a pacemaker implanted this evening. Jack is at St. Agnes Hospital and should be home on Friday. Good news here is that his successful surgery should make many of his symptoms disappear. Thoughts and prayers go out to Gladys and Jack tonight too.

Prayers for Charlie

Please keep Charlie in your thoughts and prayers. He is having a trach put in tomorrow and has pneumonia. He is in intensive care at Johns Hopkins. Patty is remaining strong.

What's in a Name?

Ouch! Sue had a nasty fall at work. That's her story and she's sticking to it.

Don demonstrates his version of the accident.

We had some interesting vocabulary discourse today. The word for today, gentle readers, is something we enjoy each morning at Sam's:

• raillery \RAY-luh-ree\, noun:1. Good-humored banter or teasing. 2. An instance of good-humored teasing; a jest.
  For example, I moved from one knot of people to another, surrounded by a kind of envious respect because of Sophie's interest in me, although subjected to a certain mordant raillery from some of this witty company.-- Peter Brooks, World Elsewhere




• ruth, noun :1.compassion for the misery of another 2 : sorrow for one's own faults. So we learned that "ruthful", to be filled with compassion, is indeed a word that we have never heard in conversation. But we have all heard "ruthless", to act without compassion, frequently. This is a sad statement about the human condition.




• This made Don wonder whether "youthless" existed as the opposite of "youthful", but alas, it is not a word - yet. Perhaps if we all start describing Don himself as "youthless", we can get the word accepted into common usage.




• Now this triggered the thought in Bill that his wife has frequently called him "useless", as in "you useless .......", but has never called him " useful". Bill , your challenge for the week is to get your wife to describe you as "useful" at least once.




• Then we discussed that "regardless" and "irregardless" have the same meaning. "Irregardless" originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.




• We also learned middle names: Susan Jean, Jean Ann, Gladys Mae, Patricia Ann, Jo Ann. Gladys said they named thier first daughter, Jacqueline, after Jack, whose real name is actually "Jacques". Jack said his name is pronounced "Jock" and that his middle name is "Strap"! Gladys recalled once being in class at work, and having to get up and say her last name . The assignment was to link her last name to a visual to help others recall her name. She agonized over this since her last name is "Tittsworth" , visuals not needed. The group then speculated whether this was synonymous to "Tittsful" .




• The next word discussed was "woe". a condition of deep suffering from misfortune, affliction, or grief . It turns out that one can be "woeful", but one cannot be "woeless". Use of the word "Tittsful" made Don recall that he had been told "Whoa" on many of his dates, bringing woe to himself. Now I am curious whether the English language contains many more words to describe misery than joy.




• This triggered Bill to remember that he had been told that certain acts may cause blindness, so he did them just until he had to wear glasses.




• Don wondered if "yo" is becoming an accepted word, as in "Yo have a good time", equivalent to "Y'all" as used in the South. While that use of "yo" is not recognized, "yo" is already in the dictionary as used to call attention, to indicate attentiveness, or to express affirmation. Yo!




• This led to Doug noting that when he refs a game (oops, turns out "ref" is recognized as a noun meaning "referee", but not as a verb meaning "to referee"), the kids now say "My bad" to mean "My mistake" or "Sorry". They also say "Psych" to mean "I'm kidding" .




• I asked my middle schooler for the current slang in class, and she reports that kids use the letters for text messaging verbally. Here are some examples: TTYL means Talk To You Later , OMG means Oh my God, BFF means Best Friends Forever, JK means Just Kidding, GTG means Got To Go, and LOL means Laugh Out Loud.



• Yo, everyone, GTG!

Winter Field Trip!

On Paul, Jean, Gladys, and Jack's advice, I overcame my initial instinct and, while cycling back from Sam's to my cave this morning, popped into the Café on the Grove. Holy mackrel, it was gorgeous! Breathtaking really, in comparison to the other buildings at Spring Grove which feel like a cross between a Fellini film and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. No, make that The Twighlight Zone and House on Haunted Hill.

The Café is quaint, with wooden floors and vintage photos lining the enterance, yet spacious and airy with round ballroom style tables and sunlight streaming in from all four directions. No menus were available for posting, as their menu was written a-la-Sam's in chalk on blackboards, but trust me, the selections were reasonably priced and smelled scrumptious.

Saturday hours are 7:00 a.m. until noon. So put on your travelin' shoes folks, and c'mon down to my neck of the woods Saturday January 26. The Sam's Bagel Club is going Cosmopolitan. Don't worry Dimitri, we will all be back Sunday!

P.S. if you make it to Spring Grove but can't find the Café, call me (443-695-7878) – I'll cycle over to you and guide you in like a tugboat.

Weekend Updates

• Patty reported that Charlie has been responsive for brief periods, and that the tube has been removed. He is still at Hopkins, no word on the cause of this latest setback.
• Today we were joined by future politician, Luke, who was receiving political advice from Don. (Sadly, this may doom Luke's career before it even begins). He was advised to keep a notebook to jot down possible slogans, such as "I keep my back against the wall". Luke returns to college this week, where hopefully he will learn useful information.
• Don's grandchildren, Chase and Cheney, visited us. I asked whether the new baby will also have a name beginning with "Ch- ". They are considering Chandler if it is a girl, but don't have any favorite boy names yet.
• Allison joined us for some chocolate milk. We miss seeing her daily now that her new job is located in Towson.
• Remember, anyone can leave a comment by clicking below on "Comment". Type in your comment, you can be anonymous or click on "Nickname" and type in your name. Comment on the comments too!

Don models Laura's gift, elf boxers with hat. Even came with jingle bells. (Laura, what were you thinking?)

How to Eat a Bagel

Many of us have been fascinated by Doug's weight-reducing method of eating bagels. He scoops out the middle of the bagel, then layers in the butter....and after consuming that, he eats the scooped-out middle with butter! Think his original intention was to discard the middle of the bagel, but he is usually too busy talking to throw it out. In fact, he was too busy talking to notice that this video was even being filmed!

Happy New Year 2008

• I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone at Sam's for their gift of friendship during 2007. I look forward to seeing each of you and hearing your stories. It is good for the immune system to laugh, and you always make me laugh! The intelligence, creativity, connections and kindnesses that unite this group of former strangers amazes me. So Happy New Year to each of you! Here's to many new memories and good health in 2008.

• Unfortunately, I learned yesterday that Charlie has had a major setback. He is again in Johns Hopkins, and has fallen into a coma. Tests are still being conducted. Please keep both Charlie and Patty in your prayers.

• When my computer was out of commission, we had an interesting occurence at home. Even though it was December, Harold was out raking leaves, and our Labrador Retriever, Sam, was with him. Sammy is ten years old and always chases squirrels and rabbits, but has never caught anything. On this day, he suddenly began to bark and dashed off into the woods. Several minutes later he came back, proudly wagging his tail, and gingerly holding a...... bagel. I kid you not. He would not allow the bagel to be taken from him and he ate it after parading around the yard with his trophy. Harold calls this the "Ballad of the Wild Bagel". We still don't know from whence it came (we don't keep bagels at home), so it is a pretty good mystery. None of our neighbors complained that their breakfast went missing.

• One of my faithful blog readers noted the many recent photos of Don, and perhaps was feeling left out. I promise to feature anyone on the blog who comes to Sam's in your underwear! This led to a lengthy discussion on what was overwear, underwear, or outerwear. Apparently what you wear next to your skin should be referred to as your underwear, even if it is a Speedo....... so if you wear boxers on top of that, it is transformed into overwear. I have no idea what outerwear is........ maybe the kilt?

• It was great to visit with former Sam's regulars, Gwen and Peggy, who moved to Florida last summer. On their visit, they found out that Sam's waffle iron broke after they left and was never replaced, so they had to settle for bagels. Gwen shared photos of her grandchildren, Jake and Faith. Glad they included us in their busy visiting schedule.

• Doug had promised to share the rockfish that he caught with several of Sam's faithful on Monday. They came with coolers to take home their New Year's Eve dinner, but Doug never showed up. They went home empty-handed, an experience I am sure Doug understands.

Our record number of tables linked so far.

New Year's Eve

A view from above......

Here's a contest......what would you call having a kilt placed over your head..... while being worn by someone else? ("Yucky" has already been submitted.)

Under a kilt, these boxers, under these, a Speedo. We took Don's word about the Speedo. There couldn't be boxers for Martin Luther King Day, could there?

It's "Donner", not "Donder" , you goofs at Bass's Pro Shop. ( "Donner" is the German word for thunder, "Blitzen" the German word for lightning.) Didn't Doug use to work there?

Great to see Gwen and Peggy on a visit from Florida. Cheers!

Boxing Day

Note to Don: December 26th is Boxing Day, commemorating when boxes of food were given to the poor in England and Ireland. Apparently you have confused this with "Boxer's Days". Having been treated to several pairs of Christmas boxers, we are all hoping that you do not own a "Happy New Year" pair of boxers.

Conversion Units (Courtest of Pat R.)



Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi



2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton



1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope



Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond



Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram



Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong



16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling



Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon



1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz



Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoa rsepower



Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line



453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake



1 million- microphones = 1 megaphone



2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles



365.25 days = 1 unicycle



2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds



52 cards = 1 decacards



1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton



1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen



1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche



1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin



10 rations = 1 decoration



100 rations = 1 C-ration



2 monograms = 1 diagram



4 nickels = 1 paradigm



2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

Cheer for Charlie

Charlie is getting his strength and balance back after a nasty fall. He is receiving PT and dialysis at the Randallstown Center off of Liberty Road. A group of us went to sing carols to him. We were so bad he nearly bolted from the room, but we did make him laugh. Visitors and phone calls are welcome (he has his cell phone with him). Patty and his family threw him a delicious holiday party last Sunday, heard he enjoyed the homemade food. Through everything, Charlie keeps his sense of humor and remembers the holiday season. In fact, when he saw us enter his room jingling bells, his first words were, "Jesus Christ!"

Pat, Jack and Gladys with Charlie

Jean, Paul, Sue and Harold with Charlie

Holiday Pictures

Watch out, Santa Don sits on YOUR lap!

The Gang spreads joy (and cream cheese) to all

A Christmas Miracle: Don's stocking moves ever closer to Laura's

Doug treats his son, Scott, to breakfast. Must be Christmas!

Bill and Jean get a "Christmass" surprise.

Andrea tells Santa Don her wish. (However, he came back the next day)

Merry Christmas

John and Don spread Christmas cheer

For those of you who missed it, here is Pat Richardson's original poem. Enjoy!

With Apologies to Willie Shakespeare

With gloomy clouds and darkened sky,
The Winter Solstice doth arrive.
The snow hath dropped,
The wind doth blow,
We hear the bells and Ho, Ho, Ho.

A hearty few will brave the weather,
Embarking on another endeavor.
The bagels beckon, toasty, warm,
They draw us out into the storm.

Eating, drinking, with fervered glee,
We keep each other company.
We know who’s pregnant and who is not,
Our news is current and on the spot.

Some do not hold us so dear,
But we wish you all a happy new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS